shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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