I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
