wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
