Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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