i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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