i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
