To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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