mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
