I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
