I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
