even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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