Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
