what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
