i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize