i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are the jesus of drinking
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
