my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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