Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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