Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
