lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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