maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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