Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
