This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
