well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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