You just made me feel so damn special
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
