nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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