i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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