You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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