I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
