sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yo dont text me then not text me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
