3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he puts the penis in happiness.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
