Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
