I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
