How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
