the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
