Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
