he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There r osticjed everywhere
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
