i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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