okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
