direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i believe in u and ur pee
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
