i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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