So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
