Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
