remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
