my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
