Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
