my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
