Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you had me at cake vodka
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
