she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
