You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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