Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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