woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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