Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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