i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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