I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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