what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
