Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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