i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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