Duck Duck Cougar?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
