You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
