so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
