just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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