I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
