I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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