Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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