he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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