Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
