when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
