I skipped work to stalk him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The adults are the big ones right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
