Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
