Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
