Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
