It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
