After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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