i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize