While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
