i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
