I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize